Understanding Love

It is time to love again. This is from the heart and mind of a widow.  Whatever we feel, even the most painful experiences such as death of a beloved, the human spirit always yearn for someone to belong to.  I think it is what makes us human. A woman is made for a man, just like a man belongs to a woman.  Just as what God, has said, It is not good for a man to be alone, so he made him someone that has a part of him, a companion to make this life good.

The greatest love is still on loving yourself, because this will be your guide in finding the right person to belong to.  Here are the things that I have realized, I don’t know if this is applicable to both man and woman, but this is a woman’s perception. So you know it is definitely applicable to women. Although love is universal, every person is different.

1.       Love hurts but it is okay

So, you are in love again, you think so because you feel it.  Well, what is a feeling anyway? Is it like hunger where you feed and then you are satisfied? Feelings are fleeting but it is not love.  You are hurt because you thought, this person loved you but in the end, he really does not? Or you are so guilty because you thought you love the person but in the end you really don’t?

Love is so confusing you say? But this is not really love, it is just a feeling, so it does not last. There was once a girl that cries because her boyfriend dump her, I am sometimes very frank and unfeeling to this kind of situation, that I told her, she must be grateful for it.

Well, you can just imagine her confusion to what I just said, so I explained, It just means you can move on now.  At least, he was honest to you now, you can just imagine if he married you, and then realized that he really does not want you.                                                                                                                     

So you see, Love hurts but really it is okay, after all. You are still alive so be sensible.  He is not the one for you, so be grateful instead and move on. How can you meet your soulmate if you are stuck with the wrong man.

2.       Finding the right one and being found

If you are one of those people who is always searching for the one, but gets hurt over and over again.  It might be that you are the one that should be found.  Do you realize this?  Sometimes, you are so busy looking around that you fail to see that someone is already there for you.  That person has found you and you are just so dumb to see it.

Well, we are dumb sometimes so there.  So how do you know that the person is really the one for you? It is just simple; you enjoy each other’s company even without the sex thing.  Oh I said it.

Love is not just desire or feelings, it is friendship and companionship, and this is what makes it everlasting.

You must love and respect each other.  You care for that person deeply and you want their happiness.  You have so much in common that it’s really not hard to talk to them at all.

The most important thing is that you should be yourself when you are with this person, even your yucky self.  Distasteful as it seems, but you have to be loved as you are.  It will never last if you pretended to be somebody you are not.  It is so exhausting to live up to someone’s expectation. Sooner you will reveal the real you and then the person then realize that he really does not want you at all.  In the end you are still hurt. So be honest from the start.  It is a waste of time to pretend. Be true to yourself.

3.       Be Brave and Love without expectations

Living a great life is to be brave at heart.  It is always the right thing to do.  We only live once, would it be nicer if you give it your all? It would be too late to realize that on your deathbed.

Loving with expectations hurt us so much, that we cower at the thought of commitment.  We must love without expectations.  We must be vulnerable in love and give it our all. If it fails, you can get hurt but you are still gonna be okay. Show the world that nothing can break you.

We have to realize that every person is different from us. We have different capacities and we are not created equally the same. We have to give our 100% when we love. When we expect too much from our partner and we are always measuring their efforts in our own understanding of love they will always fall short of our expectation.

 In other words they do not fit our own definition of love. This will create tension in our relationship. What we can do is to focus on their positive characters more than their weaknesses

We are not perfect but loving should be accepting everything even the imperfections.

Before loving someone we should be whole first. Partnership is not codependency. It does not mean that an individual should be half of another. It means that you are a strong individual that is happy even by yourself and does not depend on another human being to make you happy.  That kind of relationship is toxic because you expect too much from another to be happy. It can become a burden. Happiness comes from within and it should emanate from you.

4. Love yourself

This is the golden rule.  All love comes from loving yourself. It determines your happiness.  Life is like a mirror after all. You get what you give.  If you hate yourself, probably you let others do something to you even if you don’t like it, as long as the person likes you.

Love yourself above all, because how can you love other people when you don’t know what love is?  People can trample on you, play games on you, but you let them do it , so you will just feel loved and needed.  That is a pathetic way too live.  There is no one to blame but yourself.  Learn to walk away from anyone who treats you badly.  People who does not love themself enough always have the feeling of lack, meaning, they always think that nobody else will love them aside from their current partner who mistreated them.  You must have an abundance mentality and our thoughts can change our life. We are the owner of our thoughts and feelings so we must be strong enough to control them. Inner strength and Self love are the things that can make our life beautiful and full of abundance.

There are millions single available men in this world and all you need is one. So dont ever get stuck with the wrong man. Love yourself enough to detach yourself from someone who does not deserve you.

Above all, do not pretend affection; be true to yourself at all times. Do not love only because of how you feel at the moment.  Loving is commitment, because even if the desire and lust is gone you are still there to stay.  Friendship, respect, trust and love is the foundation of a lasting companionship.

An encounter with skin cancer

Last June 15, 2013, I went to my dermatologist to have my mole removed.  I’ve been planning to have this surgery for a long time but due to many reasons It has never become my priority.  I eventually decided to have it done because this mole was painful sometimes, especially if it does not like the soap I’m using or anything that touches it. So there I was on the table fully conscious as the doctor injected anaesthesia on it after which she prick it with a needle to test if it still hurts.  She kept on asking me if I feel anything when she did it, I kept telling her that it hurts a bit but it is tolerable. So she did her thing, performing the incision to remove the mole and we decided to have a skin biopsy on the skin sample. Then she stitches it with a thick strong surgical thread just to ensure that it will not break open, by the way it’s three stitches.  My mole is located on my upper trunk (on my back).   She have prescribed that I take 500 mg. Cephalexin three times a day for one week to aid in the healing of the wound.  She told me that she will just call me if the result of the skin biopsy is already available.  After eight days I went back to the clinic to have the surgical thread removed.  After that I forget about it but then last July 12, 2013 her secretary text me and told me that my doctor ask for me to visit her in her clinic because of the result of the skin biopsy.  I became worried because she told me before in her clinic during the incision that she will just call or text me if there is something to worry about with the result. I did not get there right away because during that time my son got admitted in the hospital because of Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever.  Life sometimes tests you…but of course you just have to be strong. So I finally got there the day after my son got discharge from the hospital on July 16, 2013 and got the news. 

My dermatologist explained that the mole that was removed is consistent with Basal Cell Carcinoma, a type of skin cancer but there is nothing to worry about.  She inspected the scar and prescribed Imiquimod cream to be applied every other night for three months.  She said that skin cancer is different from other cancer because usually when it is removed it is already cured but there is also a possibility of recurrence.  She advised me to visit her clinic every six months so that she can inspect my skin if ever it will reoccur. 

close up picture of the scar

I had this mole for more than fifteen years and I only found out now that it was cancerous, but of course I had my doubts because unlike my other moles it’s colour is more like flesh and sometime it forms a crust over it and got easily irritated.  I read on the internet about this type of skin cancer and here are some of the facts. 

Basal cell carcinoma (BCC) is the most common form of skin cancer. More than two million cases of this skin cancer are diagnosed in the United States each year.

This skin cancer usually develops on skin that gets sun exposure, such as on the head, neck, and back of the hands. BCC is especially common on the face, often forming on the nose. It is possible to get BCC on any part of the body, including the trunk, legs, and arms.

People who use tanning beds have a much higher risk of getting BCC. They also tend to get BCC earlier in life.

This type of skin cancer grows slowly. It rarely spreads to other parts of the body. Treatment is important because BCC can grow wide and deep, destroying skin tissue and bone. 

Basal cell carcinoma: Diagnosis, treatment, and outcome

The only way to diagnose any type of skin cancer, including basal cell carcinoma (BCC), is with a skin biopsy. Your dermatologist can perform this procedure during an office visit.

A skin biopsy should not cause anxiety. To perform a skin biopsy, your dermatologist will remove the entire growth or part of it. Your dermatologist may send this to a laboratory or look at it under a microscope. The findings will be communicated in a biopsy report.

If the biopsy report states that you have BCC, your dermatologist will consider many factors to determine which treatment will be best for you. There are several ways to treat BCC:

Excision: This is a surgical procedure that your dermatologist often can perform during an office visit. It involves numbing the area to be treated and cutting out any remaining tumor plus some normal-looking skin around the tumor.

Like the skin biopsy, this removed skin is examined under the microscope. This may be done at a laboratory or by your dermatologist. The doctor who looks at the removed skin needs to see whether the normal-looking skin is free of cancer cells. If not, more skin will need to be removed. This is a common way to treat BCC.

Curettage and electrodessication: This treatment consists of two steps. First, your dermatologist scrapes away the tumor. Then electricity is used to destroy any remaining cancer cells. The two steps are then repeated.

Mohs surgery: Named for the doctor who developed this surgery, Mohs (pronounced "moes") is a specialized surgery used to remove some skin cancers. It offers the highest cure rate for difficult-to-treat basal cell cancers. Your dermatologist will tell you if Mohs is right for you.

If Mohs is recommended, this is what you can expect. The surgeon will cut out the tumor plus a very small amount of normal-looking skin surrounding the tumor. While the patient waits, the Mohs surgeon uses a microscope to look at what was removed. The surgeon is looking for cancer cells.

If necessary, the Mohs surgeon will continue to remove a very small amount of skin and look at it under the microscope. This continues until the surgeon no longer sees cancer cells.

Cryosurgery: This treatment uses liquid nitrogen to freeze cancer cells, causing the cells to die.

Radiation: This treatment usually is reserved for BCCs that cannot be cut out, or when surgery may not be the best choice. A patient may need 15 to 30 radiation treatments.

Photodynamic therapy (PDT): This treatment uses light to remove early skin cancers. PDT is a two-step process. First, a chemical is applied to the skin. The chemical remains on the skin for some time so that it can be absorbed. Then the skin is exposed to a special light to kill the cancer cells.

Medicated creams: Creams that contain a drug, such as imiquimod or 5-fluorouracil, can be used to treat early BCC. A patient applies the medicated cream at home as directed by his or her dermatologist.

Pills: While extremely rare, there are reports of BCC spreading to other parts of the body. Patients who have BCC that spreads may be prescribed vismodegib. This medication also may be prescribed for patients who have advanced BCC that cannot be cut out or treated with radiation.

Outcome

Nearly every basal cell cancer can be cured, especially when the cancer is found early and treated. 

BCCs are abnormal, uncontrolled growths or lesions that arise in the skin’s basal cells, which line the deepest layer of the epidermis (the outermost layer of the skin). BCCs often look like open sores, red patches, pink growths, shiny bumps, or scars. Usually caused by a combination of cumulative UV exposure and intense, occasional UV exposure, BCC can be highly disfiguring if allowed to grow, but almost never spreads (metastasizes) beyond the original tumor site. Only in exceedingly rare cases can BCC spread to other parts of the body and become life-threatening.  BCCs are easily treated in their early stages. The larger the tumor has grown, however, the more extensive the treatment needed. Although this skin cancer seldom spreads, or metastasizes, to vital organs, it can damage surrounding tissue, sometimes causing considerable destruction and disfigurement — and some BCCs are more aggressive than others.

When small skin cancers are removed, the scars are usually cosmetically acceptable. If the tumors are very large, a skin graft or flap may be used to repair the wound in order to achieve the best cosmetic result and facilitate healing

People who have had one BCC are at risk for developing others over the years, either in the same area or elsewhere on the body. Therefore, regular visits to a dermatologist should be routine so that not only the site(s) previously treated, but the entire skin surface can be examined.

BCCs on the scalp and nose are especially troublesome, with recurrences typically taking place within the first two years following surgery.

Should a cancer recur, the physician might recommend a different type of treatment. Some methods, such as Mohs micrographic surgery, may be highly effective for recurrences. BCCs and other skin cancers are almost always curable when detected and treated early

My travel to Cebu

Last April I went with my son to Cebu for our long planned summer trip.  I search for hotels in Tripadvisor and Agoda. I decided to book with Cebu Business Hotel because they have discount during weekends and also near seven eleven and the port to Bohol.  I also book with Cebutrip tours for a guided tour inclusive with transportation.  We went there last April 13 and decided to have the guided tour the next day.  We went to Magellans Shrine, Lapu lapu monument, Alegre guitar factory, Taoist Temple, Cebu Heritage Monument, YapSandiego Ancestral’ House, Magellan’s cross and Basilica Minore del Sto Nino.

On the first day that we arrived in Cebu we went to Ayala Mall

Our spacious room in Cebu Business Hotel, We stayed there for three days and two nights for only 1,900 pesos all in, with our choice of breakfast for two persons. The room also has aircon, cable TV and Hot Shower. There is also free wifi but with a weak signal. It was a cozy place to sleep although I notice that it was rather nosy (music) the first night we were there, cause it is a Saturday and there was some kind of an event there.

In the Hotel lobby while we wait for our day tour in the Queen of the South, Cebu City

At Alegre Guitar factory, where I buy souvenirs.  The quality guitars here are handmade and exported globally

At Magellan Shrine, our guide said that this is the spot where Ferdinand Magellan died

At Lapu lapu monument, in honor of the first Filipino Hero

 We had our free lunch in Joven's Grill, It was a buffet eat all you can lunch.  I ate a raw octopus that was seasoned with vinegar and coconut milk.  I really regretted doing so 'cause I developed an itchy skin allergy that lasted for a month.

We went to Taoist Temple, our guide told us that the original monks here were Chinese and they modeled this from the great wall of china.  The landscape was really picturesque.

This is the Yap Sandiego Ancestral House, believed to be the oldest house still standing in Cebu City and estimated to be three hundred years old. This is the bedroom and it really gives me the creeps, it's like a scene from a horror film but it never stops me from striking a pose.

It was really a sunny day during our visit to Basilica Minore del Sto Nino. (Sto Nino Church) There were so many people attending mass there (It was Sunday) and so many foreigners as well. Inside the church is the oldest black Sto Nino ( a replica of the baby Jesus) believed to be miraculous. As a Catholic I also prayed there and pay my respects to baby Jesus.  At the back there is a store full of statue and images of Sto Nino, of course, I bought two statues for my mother and me.  The Catholic church was first built in 1565 as you can see in the picture below.

This is a picture of Ferdinand Magellan's Cross, He brought this with him during his expedition to the Philippines.  The real cross was encased in an outer cross to preserve it. In the past the faithful Catholics believed that the wood from the cross is miraculous and chip a bit from the cross to bring it with them. 

It was really fun in Cebu and I intend to go there again in the future.  I think the cab/taxis there are much safer than in Manila City.