What about the Reproductive health bill?

I’ve read in the front page of our newspaper about the Reproductive health bill  and that many religious groups feel strongly against it. Well, it is expected because the majority of the Filipino people are Christians. The head of the Catholic Church is against the bill because the religion is against artificial contraceptives and anything that is related to it. The bill is primarily concerned with providing information on family planning and giving free contraceptives to the public. I think there is nothing wrong with the bill because everyone needs the right information on family planning and there is absolutely no coercion in choosing what method to use.

I have nothing against the Catholic Church because I was born to the catholic faith and I even attend masses but I think they have to know their limitations. They have to know that the Government has the responsibility on the welfare of its citizens while their responsibility is cultivating the faith of their members. The religious leaders have to open their eyes that there are many parents who are irresponsible in taking care of their children and who obviously needed family planning because they bear many children. You can even see it on the streets; there are many children who take care of themselves because their parents are obviously irresponsible.

If ask how many children would they plan to bear? Many of them would say it depends on how many children God will give them. I think it would be okay to answer this kind of question this way as long as the parent is responsible enough that they can take care of their children well. Being a responsible parent they should be aware of how many children they can afford to raise well and they should be aware if their income is enough to cater to the needs of their children.

The faithful are sometimes foolish because when they said that it depends on how many children God is willing to give them even without responsibly thinking if they could afford to raise them all, it is just believing that God will feed them even if they don’t do anything but pray for food.

Surrendered wife

I’ve recently stumbled about surrendered wife on the net. The principles of a surrendered wife is to give up unnecessary control and responsibility, express their needs while also respecting their husband choices, resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss their husbands & trust their husbands in every aspect of their marriage be from sexual to financial.

I think it is so important that you completely trust your husband because without trust you will always doubt him and even if he meant what he said you will always think that he is lying or something like that. Distrust in a marriage is destruction in a plain sense; no marriage can ever survive with it. That is also the main reason why very few marriages will ever survive when it comes to infidelity. It can be repaired but it takes a lot of work to ever survive that. Trust is the hardest thing to build and the easiest thing to destroy. Trusting him in making decision is also very difficult especially if there are times in your marriage where wives experience failed expectations. In the overall trusting again is difficult to achieve but if you do value your marriage you will try to do it. Trusting will also relieve you of unnecessary burden because you will no longer think of negative thoughts in your marriage.

I think also when you resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss your husbands they will not be easily tempted with other women who will accept and appreciate them. I think the reason why we fall in love in the first place is when we feel appreciated and that the other person will make us feel good about our self. We sometimes forget that as human we needed to be appreciated and to feel good about our self. A simple complement like you look good, you smell good and I’m so proud to be your wife goes a long way to let them feel good about themselves.

I also notice that when you take control of your marriage, finances and responsibilities it can be very burdensome and you get angry all the time but when you let your husband take the responsibility it will be much easier and lighter for you. It is also an advantage when your husband helps you in the house chores because it will be easier on your part in fulfilling your career.

How to be a better mind reader

Recently I’ve read in the newspaper column about a letter from a wife, she was asking for advice about her problem with her husband.  She was complaining that her husband comes home without saying a word to her.  Her mind would churn out to a lot of possibilities, whether she has said something wrong, or something happened at work. She would ask herself if something happen between him and his family or friends. She wanted to ask him but she just doesn’t have the nerve to ask her husband.  She will just look for clues, in his posture and tone of voice.  She just wanted to read his mind and she was asking the columnist how to become a better mind reader.

The columnist who was a doctor told her to don’t ever guess.  When you are in doubt you just simply ask.  I think she was right in saying this that is because when you are misread by someone close to you it would create distance.  I think couples should at all times be open to each other.  The doctor also told her to give time.  The best way to learn about someone is to spend more time with them.  Focus on the other person not yourself. Often times, we tend to look for what is in stake for us. This need makes us unable to see what are the other person’s needs and desires.  Lastly all you have to do is ask.  Say in words what you feel. Chances are your husband will do the same.  After all, being expressive could be contagious.  When you are in doubt, simply ask.  

Friday Reflections - Saving your marriage

I have a booklet in positive thinking and it really helps me a lot in the times that I’m down. You know our life is like a wheel, sometimes you are at the top and sometimes you are at the bottom. When you are there at the top, you don’t have any worries and your life is good but when you are at the bottom you want to grasp something to help you survive. That something is your faith in the Supreme Being where you surrender your life. One particular part of the booklet that really gets to me is the attitude of the wife when she finds out that her husband is having an affair. She did not confront her husband, instead she reflects on the reason why it happened. She had realized that she has become very busy with her work and social gatherings that she did not have time with him anymore.

One day her husband told her that he wanted a divorce and do you know what she told him? She told him okay, but told him to give her two months to consider it. She changed her behavior and decided to do the things that she had done early on in their marriage. She did not go to any social event and after work she stayed at home reading magazines and crocheting like she did in the past. She keeps on doing this even if her husband is going out every night. After how many weeks her husband also did the same, reading his newspaper in front of the fire while she did her reading as well. Then finally when the two months had passed she asked him about the divorce. He replied and told her that it’s just a crazy idea and he is not pushing through with it.

Irritating habits that wreck a marriage

There are habits that should be avoided by couples to secure their marriage. There is also what we called a love bank to store the couples love feelings for each other. It is said that we are either making deposits or withdrawals in the account throughout each day. When things go well and we are loving, kind and supportive hundred of credits flow into our love bank and create the feeling that our partners are loved and accepted the way they are. When things go badly, huge withdrawals are made from the love bank. At times the account can be seriously overdrawn, and the relationship goes into serious deficit. When this withdrawal continues the couple can begin to hate each other and every action is considered a threat or interpreted as uncaring.

The habits that make frequent withdrawals from the couples’ love bank are stated here and this should be avoided by the couple to preserve their marriage or else their wedding vows will be broken. The first one is nagging. It means to torment by persistent faultfinding or complaining. This is the most common mistakes of a woman. A wife often complains about her husbands irritating behavior and wishes that he will change but the truth is the husband has a mind of his own. You can’t change him to be the perfect husband by nagging and complaining and the only thing you can do is accept his behavior and personality.

The second habit is angry outburst. This happens when our partner has done something that displeases us and we do this to punish or annoy them to get even. Some common mistake we make is shouting, put-downs, criticism or sarcastic name calling. Some couples resort to profanity, striking each other, throwing things, pushing, kicking and pulling hair. The third one is criticism, this is the worst part because you don’t only drain the love bank but you also drain your love one’s self esteem. If the person has done something that displeases us, an open talk is the key and understanding is what unlocks the door. We can hate the fault of our partner but we should never hate them and bear in mind that they are just human like us and prone to commit mistakes. There is always forgiveness and acceptance to keep the love flowing in the relationship.

The last one is irritating habits and annoying behavior. Some women marry a man and hope to change his annoying behavior while men marry their women and hope they will never change. There is some truth to this but husbands and wives should bear in mind that they should accept their partner including their annoying habits and focuses on their strengths and not on their weaknesses.

Marriage is like waking up from a fairy tale dream

When I was still a little girl I was kind of reserved and shy. I don’t have so many friends and honestly I was one of those girls who get bullied in school. My parents was kind of ambitious because even if my father belongs to the working class they decided to send me and my siblings to a private school and in high school I was sent to a school exclusively for girls. Anyway it was different in High School because I learned to fight back in my junior and senior years and I gained more friends during that time. It was in the elementary years that I had a hard time coping up because I lacked social skills and many of my classmates belongs to the upper class. I spent most of my time in the library and reading fairy tales becomes my daily past time.

I think little girls should not read this kind of stories because their mind is set to find their prince charming early on. I think I should read my daughter bible stories instead. I’m planning to buy a complete set of bible stories with illustration. I think there is nothing wrong with fairytales but it is just not true. I’ve learned something good from fairytales in my younger years. It helps me to use my imagination and develop my English skills. It helps me to believe in the goodness of mankind and it gives me a positive outlook in life. One thing also is it helps me to fall in love.

Marriage In the other hand is so different from a fairytale because it belongs to the drama genre. Where every kind of story is present, comedy, action, drama even horror and suspense. What is so different is it is absolutely real. It is not some story that some author just cook up with their imagination. You think you have married your prince charming and you just wake up one day and you realize that you have married a troll. Yes a troll just like Shrek, a character in the movie. Your husband also realized that he had married Princess Fiona. Fiona is the feisty princess in the movie. Shrek is like a real person and not a prince charming of your dreams. He is obnoxious and lacking pretense but anyhow you learn to love him. I guess that’s what marriage does to a princess in us.

Kitchen appliances is also a wife’s best friend

When I was still single and dating the kitchen for me is just a place where I need to go to fix myself something to eat but now as a mother it has become one of the most important place in the house. I wish I could have all the kitchen appliances that I can use to create sumptuous meals. Anyway I still have so many things to buy and I intend to do so when I have extra money to spend. My wish list for this year is a blender, food processor and an oven.

A blender is very useful in mixing fruits and vegetables into a puree or juice and it is also useful in making a healthy beverage. A food processor is very important in making healthy homemade baby food. Buying an oven is my greatest dream because I could bake cakes, pizza, roasted meat and baked pastas. I could also bake cookies for my toddler. If I had an oven I could explore and experiment cooking dishes. Over the years I have been collecting recipes and cookbooks and it is a dream come true to finally cook some of those delicious dishes.

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Marriage, Career and Motherhood

What I really liked about my job is it doesn’t require too much of me and it is not so stressful. It also gives me financial capacity to buy what I want for myself, a kind of freedom that I don’t have to ask my husband for everything. It is also an outlet entirely different from the home. It is a social surrounding for me where I get to interact with other people and to learn new things.

Marriage is one of my goals in life, why? It gives me a sense of direction and purpose. It’s a feeling that you belong to a family of your own and it offers me security and contentment. It is a feeling that at the end of the day you have someone to go home to and give you love and comfort. Motherhood makes marriage even better because a child binds you together even more. I noticed that a child can lessen stress in marriage especially in our relationship.

Balancing marriage, career and motherhood is not always easy but it can be done. When you are working you have to focus your mind in your work and do it well. When you go home you have to forget your work and focus your attention to your family. I’m a working mom so I don’t get to be with my child from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm five days a week so I make it a point to go straight home. I also noticed that when you spend quality time with your child it really matters. I have to feed him dinner and watch TV with him afterwards give him his good night hot bath and we sleep together. We have fun having pillow fights and I give him his nightly aromatic massage. In the morning when he wakes up he comes to our bed to lay with me and his papa for awhile and I hug and kiss him. I feed and bathe him before I go to work every morning. It becomes a routine for us. In this way he still feels me and my love for him.

In marriage the most important thing is communication, endearment and physical connection. Your career and motherhood takes your time away from your husband but quality time spent is more important than quantity. A simple call and text will do just to remind him that you are thinking of him. A kiss and hug every day is enough to make him feel that I love him. I make it a habit to say “I love you” in the morning and say it again in the evening when we went home from work.

My top ten list of father’s day gifts

I have a few suggestions for father’s day gifts that I know will make them feel special during this day. Here are my top ten lists:

1. Wrist Watch – You can choose a watch that can match up to their personality or it also depends on what occasion that they choose to wear a watch.
2. Neck tie – Choose color and design that match their work and interest, Don’t forget their favorite color
3. Perfume – I specially like a combination of musk and citrus scents but anyway choose a scent that you know they will absolutely like. Don’t forget they like scents that a woman would also compliment on.
4. Belt – I like leather belts, It looks good on anything and It’s classy too. Brown or black would complement any clothes. Combination of black and brown will also be classy.
5. Leather Wallet – Looks good and beneficial.
6. Cell Phone – It’s pretty expensive but I’ve receive this gift from my husband and it feels so good to receive this kind of gift. It’s quite useful too.
7. Handkerchiefs
8. Polo Shirt
9. White Shirts or White sleeveless shirts – He can use this every day
10. Brief or Boxer shorts

Don’t forget the most precious gift that you can give them is your time, love and affection. Actually hugs and kisses will do.

Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

This is my comment on a question posted by Tot’s Mom on Love Q. Well on my part it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all because what is the point of living if you have not experienced loving someone. Naturally it would hurt because it is the price of loving. Loving someone means to open up our self emotionally and in the process leaving us vulnerable.
It is when we care for that someone that we wanted to be involved in their life because we want what’s best for them. Sometimes we forget that they have a mind of their own and it is still their life and in the end it is still their decision that matters. It is also true that people just change their mind including their heart in loving someone. There are factors for these but the person who knows the reason is the one who have a change of heart.

These could be acceptable if there is still no marriage but once married it is a different story. The vow that the couples exchanged on their matrimonial ceremony is a pact for life. It is a decision that mirrors the person doing the contract and they must mean what they said during that day and their commitment must stay even if the feelings change. If love is just a feeling it is not considered true and it could just be lust and sexual attraction.

Now let’s get back to the main point why it is much better to love and lost than to never to have loved at all? I could not imagine my life without love because first of all I was born out of love. My parents loved each other and decided to have a family to love and cherish. Having me as a child brought them joy just like what my son has given me. So if my mother was a coward and decided not to marry my father then she could not have experienced the joy and the pain of motherhood. The joy and the pain of loving and be loved by someone who means the most to us. Although it may not last forever but what matters most is that we experienced it in our lifetime.

What I mean by this is I understand that we only have one lifetime to live when we die what will become of us? If we are Christians it is written in the bible that if we are faithful we will be given eternal life to live and serve the lord. It is also clearly stated in the Holy Scriptures that the eternal life that will be given to us will be different from that of our life here on earth. Entirely different that we will no longer need a husband or a wife, or a son or a daughter but we will live as one family of God.

Marriage that works

There are times when you just can’t help but compare how it feels like being single and how it feels like being married. When you’re single life seems to bore you and it makes you long for that special someone to fill up that empty space in your heart. You don’t know yet the obligation that goes with that longing. A word of caution, never forget to use your head in choosing the right one for you. The person might be the greatest individual you have ever met but you must look deeper than that. Feelings, such as excitement and romance fades as the years pass by when you’re together but love, respect, devotion, commitment and faithfulness stays. When choosing the right one, you must analyze the person’s personality. You must also know his family background and his past relationships. What’s true is this you can never really know the real person unless you live with them for a year.

In truth you never really know the real person you choose to marry. Bear in mind that you have to pick the best from the worst. You see nobody is perfect but there is the best among the rest. It starts with you, analyze your personality can that person cope up or blend with that of yours? Do you have the same interest? Do you have the same ideas and faith in terms of religion? Whatever differences that you both have you have to compromise before engaging into marriage. You see it’s so easy to enter into marriage but it’s very difficult to stay married. It’s best that you really truly love each other the same way even if you discovered each other’s frailty.

Whatever it is that each person do, it’s best to anticipate that married life is so much more complicated than being single but very fulfilling if you like children and you are with the right partner. There were some couple that grows old still loving each other but in contrast there are couples that grow old hating each other. Why do people stay the same and others change? You see in marriage you have to think of having a family, having a family means having children. You have to think of the rent or mortgage, bills, and expenses that go with it. Its okay if you have plenty of money it will not bother you that much but what if you just have enough earnings? What will you do if the kids got sick? You have to think of getting a loan to pay the bills so what happens to your income? Again you have to find a way to pay the loan without deducting from your daily budget. So what happens next? If someone has problems any discomfort can easily trigger their temperament. So there’s a tendency that the couple fight and speak bitter words that hurt the heart and leaves a scar. Money is the number one reason why couples fight; it is mainly because we need it to survive.

The second and the worst is infidelity, some marriage can surpass this but others break apart. The heart is the most tender and delicate of all organs in our body and when it breaks the person just cease to exist. It is still true to husband and wife the love just simply dies when that happens. Still other knows how to forgive but forget is another thing, the heart does heal but it leaves a scar. Bitter harsh spoken words exchanged between husband and wife also leaves a scar and it will accumulate through the years and damage their marriage.
When a couple truly deeply love each other they will accept their frailty and respect each other. They will not say anything that can deeply demoralize and hurt their partner and fidelity is their commitment to each other. That is the secret of a lasting marriage it is visible when you see old couple holding hands and hugging each other. Still bear in mind that making marriage work is a “tango,” In other words it is not a one man show. It is a dance between two people. You can’t make marriage work if you are the only one trying, you only have two options leave or suffer. I have seen many couples who stayed with each other despite their hatred; they either yell or just ignore each other. They sleep in separate beds and they no longer show affection towards each other.