My son is in Preschool

This month our masteral class for Masters in Business Administration has already started.  I think it's been 8 years since I last go to school though I'm a graduate of Bachelor of science in Accountancy in the year 1999, I've attended classes for two years to earn Education Units to take the Teachers Licensure exam last 2002.  I think it's quite new to me and exciting to go to class again and to learn new knowledge.  My first subject for this month is Math for business and statistics.  Fortunately my teacher for this class is also my teacher in college so she knows me already even if my surname has changed because I'm already married.  It also has its disadvantages though because she knows me she always calls me during board work.  I plan to finish my MBA by March of 2012 because my baby girl will be in Preschool by then.  Right now my son Zen is already in Preschool and sad enough because I'm working I was not able to go with him there but I'm still fortunate because he has his Grandma to accompany him there.  I'm so happy that he already knows how to write.  I missed him though because I don't have him all the time.  He lives with his grandma because right now I can't afford two nannies and I can't also trust one nanny to take care of my two children.  He is now four years old and even if I seldom see him and my heart is sometimes longing for him.  I always say to myself no matter what that he is my son and one day we will be together when he is old enough to take care of himself or until such time that we can afford to build our house near his grandma.  Like every one else in this world I'm struggling to have it all but I know life is like this you have to experience the hard part first before you can be successful, unless your parents are filthy rich then life could have been easier.  That could be another story anyway.

offline for so long

I miss being online but there are things that I should do first before regularly blogging again.  I've been busy lately with my marriage, family and work.  I've been planning to enroll in graduate study this month and I hope I can handle all the stress and also financially cope up with the school fees.  I really need to be a permanent employee because I needed financial stability at my age and also in order to provide for my family's needs well.  I love my job and the company I work with that is why as a mother I have to sacrifice my time for my family to achieve my goal.  Anyway thanks for visiting my blog and I hope some day I will be able to regularly blog again.  I really like blogging because for me it is kind of a release from the daily grind.

The meaning of my tooth dream

1.22.10 In my previous post I have this tooth dream and the following month I realized that the meaning of that dream slowly unfolds. I've just found out that my sister has also a similar dream with mine and we talked about it.  We have experienced in the past having a dream about our teeth falling off and we found out months after that our grandpa died of old age and complications.  Last month we found out that my sister's father-in-law died of old age and complications too.  I've told my office mate about my dream and she had interpreted it to me. She said that someone will die but not one of my direct family and the person who will die is very far from our place because we will travel to visit the dead.  I've told her that in my dream we were enjoying a place that had so many clear fresh water but right then and there my toothaches and I open my mouth and extracted my tooth. My Sister and her family traveled to visit her dead Father-in-Law last month and she said that even if they came to visit their dead it was a pleasurable experience because it was Christmas and the burial also became their family reunion.

Why do I feel depressed

I don’t know really but nowadays I easily get lonely, worried and hurt even with just petty causes. I also easily cry and get angry for some petty reasons and I just could not understand my behavior. I felt lonely maybe because I isolate myself from my friends and its maybe years already that I have not really get out with them and just talk. I’ve been busy with work and with my children that I have no time for myself. I realized that I am a person too who needed a break once in a while. I’m thinking ways to get myself learn new things and to have new friends even online for mothers like me. I also realized that maybe I’m suffering from post partum blues that mothers like me who had just given birth have experienced. I’ve also talk with my co-worker who has also recently given birth and she felt the same. I must pray always and calm down and condition my mind that god loves me. That I’m not omnipotent and that I don’t hold everything on my hands.

Our sad Christmas Party

What a busy day. Yesterday we had our Christmas party and it was fun but it was really tiring afterwards because we have to travel back and forth at 55 kilometers to the inland resort where it was held. I bring with me my son but I think we did not really enjoy that much because even if the place was scenic and beautiful I’m stressed because I am afraid if my son leave my side. I don’t want him to be out of my sight because I’m afraid that something bad might happen to him. There was a pool for children and there was also for adults with a depth of five feet.

The children’s pool was really nice because there was a slide on it and there was also a fountain. My son looks at it with delight and I took a picture of him and I promise I’ll post his pictures here next time. I have him ready to swim in the pool but he did not want to come to the water because he said it’s cold. So I just look at him waiting that maybe he will change his mind but unfortunately he just don’t like to swim in the pool. He did not really enjoy that much because he told me that he wanted to go home. I think the place would be great if there was a playground so that my child and I could at least pass the time until it is time to go home. We will have to wait for my colleagues because it’s a company policy to join the party and we have to travel back home together.

There was a bubble show there and it was also nice. Sexy ladies danced while they form a giant bubble and kids were really glad to see the big bubbles. Thank god I won a gift check that day and I exchange it in the mall for his milk. . Our Christmas party was held simultaneously nationwide and the different branches had their own party in their chosen place.
That day was also tragic because a child of our colleague assigned in our other branch died on their Christmas party. The child aged 10 years old drowned in the pool. It was really sad that it happened.

How I got my Job

I got my job two years ago and this is how it happened. One day my husband and I was just strolling and then we came by a new three story building of a financial institution and he said to me why don’t you try to ask if they are hiring? So we went inside and I asked an employee there if they are still hiring. She told me to submit an application to the manager and the next day I applied. After one month I was called and informed that there will be an examination. When the day of the examination arrived I was prepared because I reviewed on my own. I know that job examinations required basic skills such as IQ, abstracts, Grammar, clerical skills, mathematical equations and personality tests. The examination was hard because we were given minutes only to answer many questions. To top it all there were about fifty applicants taking the test and I know from experience that only the top ten passers will be interviewed. So there I was praying and hoping to pass the examination and eventually get hired.

A month after the test to my surprised I was called again for a panel interview and I was prepared. Thinking beforehand what are the supposed to be questions that might be asked from me and practicing what is my possible answers. There where about ten applicants that were interviewed including me. Weeks passed by and I was called again and informed that I was hired. My husband and I were very happy for the news because that would mean that we can already rent a house of our own. During that time we lived with my parents because his income could not suffice if we live on our own. I later found out that there were only two of us who got the job and thank god I was one of the two.

My baby girl got sick

Just last Saturday my baby girl was confined in the hospital with pneumonia and hyper active airway disease. It was the second time she was confined since birth, last August at one month old she was also confined in the hospital because of pneumonia and septicemia. Last August was really hard on me because my husband, my son and my baby got confined in the hospital. I mean not only is it difficult physically but financially as well.

Last Saturday we were with her to take care of her health. His father also takes a leave of absence because of his upper respiratory tract infection. Our whole family is sick of this kind of disease while Zen and I have colds as well. Zen has fever for three days and I presumed that it was due to his cough and colds but I later found out that he had a viral infection and thank god he is okay now. It really helps that I have him immunized last September with IPD vaccine because he easily recovered with his upper respiratory tract infection. At his age it cost less than the I.P.D. vaccine for infants and the interval of the vaccine is three years.

I have my baby girl immunized with h.i.b. vaccine but it was still a first dose so maybe her immune system is still not good enough to fight diseases. I could not afford to have her immunized with I.P.D vaccine because at her age it’s very expensive at three dosage and two months interval.

She was discharged from the hospital just last Tuesday and right now she is still sick with upper respiratory tract infection. Her doctor advised us to have her inhale with a nebulizer whenever she has difficulty breathing. Right now she is on medication with ambroxol and antibiotics.

In the delivery room giving birth to my 2nd child

According to my ultrasound report my expected date of delivery is on July 22 but I know that it could be earlier than that so I’ve decided to have my maternity leave on July 7 so that I have already turn over all my work responsibilities before labor begins.

Labor begins on July 14, 2008 at 1:00 am. I was not sure that this could be it but I could not sleep because of the pain. Painful contractions come and go at 20 minutes interval then finally at 3:00 am the interval is already 10 minutes apart. At 5:00 am I text my father to give me a ride to the hospital at 8:00 am because it’s already very painful. At 5:30 am I called him to deliver me to the hospital right away because I felt the pain getting stronger. I was admitted in the hospital at 6:00 am and the doctor IE me to check the opening of my pelvic bone and she told me that it is still 3cm. I know that in order to deliver my baby the opening of my pelvic should be 10cm so it means it is not time yet. I was then brought to the labor room and wait for my personal doctor to arrive. I was admitted to a government hospital so as expected there are about ten pregnant women there awaiting there turn in the delivery room.

While there a gadget was fastened around my belly and I was asked to push on a button every time my baby moved. A midwife asked me personal questions to be filled up on my baby’s birth certificate. During that time the painful contractions got stronger and the interval got closer. Finally I was led to my bed while waiting for full term labor. While waiting I could not sleep because of the pain. I mean it is very painful unlike anything that I have experienced before. A student nurse assisted me during that time and when there were painful contractions I would put my hands on her arms and grip it just to lessen the pain that I am experiencing. I even asked to be sedated but they refused to do so because they have to wait for my personal doctor to arrive. So there I was bearing the pain and then finally there was little blood coming out of me. The painful contractions seem to be endless and there was no interval anymore just the pain until finally my water broke. During that time the resident doctor IE me and it turns out my pelvic was already 10cm fully dilated. I was moved to the delivery room and was told that my personal doctor is already coming.

I lay there in the most uncomfortable position that I ever have in my entire life. Fully conscious of what was happening to me. There were about 10 nurses and midwife including the resident doctor looking at my “you know what” while waiting for my doctor. My legs were widely spread apart and I was trembling because of the cold and the pain. My clothes were wet when my bag of water broke. Finally my doctor arrived and she told me that it is already time for me to give birth to my baby. Whenever my contractions come I push hard so that my baby will come out but it seems that I’m running out of breath. Each time I push harder I felt that I could not get her out of me. I’ve told myself that I should do this so that the pain will be over. One midwife helped me by putting pressure on my upper abdomen while I push then finally my baby come out of me. I felt relieved at last it’s over. I felt the needle while my doctor was stitching on my cut. I was then moved to my private room together with my baby. She was laid beside me and I could see her hands moving. I did not dare to sleep because I’m afraid that if I do she might fall. While we were on the way to my room I could overhear people say that my baby is cute. When we were already in the room I have seen my husband waiting there and I slept knowing that my baby is safe. I was admitted in the hospital at 6:00 am and gave birth to my baby at 10:15 am this four hours is one of the most memorable event in my life.

Back to work

Hello friends it has been two months already and I’m back. So much has happened to me in the months that I’m on maternity leave. I have given birth on the 14th day of July at 10:00 am to a beautiful baby girl who has a striking resemblance to my husband.

Last Monday I went to work and it was my first time to wear our new company uniform and thank God it fits me well. Like my first child I have not gained so much weight so my colleagues kept telling me that I look like I have never been pregnant. My lady co-worker even told me that I looked good like I was still single.

As soon as I’ve given birth to my baby girl I have used beauty products again to remove discolorations on my skin and finally I have my hair done. It feels good to see my old self again. Every woman likes to look and feel beautiful and I’m not an exception. I like to use beauty creams on my face especially a product that can make my skin whiter, fairer and younger. I have to face it that I’m not getting any younger so as much as possible I want to protect my skin from harmful rays to prevent wrinkles. Also moisturizer is really beneficial in preserving the youthful glow of our skin as well as SPF.

When I was pregnant I have avoided beauty products because I know for a fact that it can be harmful to my child. Beauty products in the Philippines are all loaded with whitening ingredients because that is what most women and man want. These products include whitening soaps, toners, moisturizers and lotions. I mean even underarm deodorants have whitening properties. So when I was pregnant I only use a mild soap and mild deodorants. I don’t even use make up or face powder the only thing I put on my face is a lipstick.

Our decisions and the path that we choose determines our life

Last May 1, Labor Day and also non working holiday, I went to my parent’s house for a visit. My older brother asked me this question during one of our conversation there while he was preparing our lunch. “How do you know that you love the person?” It’s quite normal for us to talk about anything because he knows that I have an opinion for everything. I told him my perspective “You know that you love someone when you are willing to sacrifice for that person.” He asked me again what I mean with sacrifice. I told him that you are willing to sacrifice your time, effort even money for that someone. You are willing to be selfless if need be.

He told me that he was in love with his girlfriend now and he is just wondering if she feels the same. Well I can’t answer his question because the person he should be asking is the girl. He asked me again “can long distance love affair work?” I told him that it really depends how much you trust the person because I cannot say that it won’t work or it can work out. I have a female friend and her husband works abroad and they are still together and I also know someone, her husband works abroad and now they are separated. You can never really know what will be the outcome of your relationship because people have a mind of their own and you can’t dictate their actions and that is just the risk you have to take.

I told him that he has some trust issues and I asked him frankly if he is insecure. My brother’s life is really complicated because he has been married before and he has one son. He has a problem with trusting his wife and frankly I can’t do anything about it because I can’t change his views. I know his wife because they lived with us during the early stage of their married life and I can’t say that she was unfaithful. Anyway I can’t also say that my brother was wrong with his views because I was not in his shoes. I know how she tried to save their relationship because my brother doesn’t have a regular job that pays well. She has to spend her earnings for their needs as a family from providing milk to my nephew to paying for the babysitter. Anyway to make this story short they have tried to save their relationship more than once but in the end they have parted ways. I don’t think they will ever be together again but who knows. I felt sad for our nephew but I can’t do anything about it. It’s not my life and whatever I say to my brother it is still his life and I can’t make choices for him.

Right now my brother stays the same, without a regular job and without a family of his own. He still lives with my parents. He has a job but it is not a stable company and he always complained about it. I tried to help him out in finding a well - paying job to the point of searching job opportunities on the internet and cutting pages on the classified ads on our local news but still he does not apply to any of them.

He told me that he is tired with his life and he wanted to settle down with his new girl friend. I told him to fix his marriage legally otherwise it would be impossible to marry his girl. I also told him to find a regular job to provide financially and stability to his new relationship. I hope he will change for the better and make the right choices to fix his life but unfortunately it was not mine to decide.

Update on my brother's career he already got a regular job.

A tribute to my loving husband

This post is dedicated to my loving husband. I know that like all marriages we are not always assured that we will stay the same in about 20 – 40 years together but my wish and prayer will always be for us to love and respect each other no matter what. We have known each other for four years already but been married only for about two years and five months so it’s still too early to predict what will become of our future together.

It’s really alarming when I heard of failed marriages that’s been built for more that 10 years and I’ve publish these thoughts about you now to always remember your goodness and to be reminded always of the things that you have done to our young family.
Now that I’ve been pregnant my husband has perform almost all of the household chores from cooking to doing the laundry and I have not heard him complain. He never smokes and never goes out drinking beer. Now that his doing the night shift in his job he goes home at 1:00 am just to be with us because he knows that I will go to work early in the morning. He takes care of our toddler when I go to work because we don’t have a babysitter.

I have realized that when a wife is angry with her husband she learns to forget all of his goodness and focuses more of his frailties, as much as possible I don’t want to be like that in the future.

“You are to me the most handsome guy that I have fallen in love with and am always filled with glee in anticipation that I will come home to you everyday. I’m so glad that you became my husband and I have not regretted doing so. Now that we have not enough riches in the world to live in a mansion and to go to exciting places I still am in love with you. Even if sometimes we run out of money to spend I still feel the same. "

"I have seen your reassuring smile that everything will be okay and that gives me the assurance and belief that we can still get through this. Your care, smile, support, respect, acceptance, trust and love have made me a better person. Thank you for everything. “

Surviving pregnancy

Thank God for Fridays, At least I got to rest for two days. Pregnancy as always is not easy to bear, I felt always tired and sleepy. I also have food cravings and it’s a relief that weight maintenance is always not my problem. I’m just gifted with a slender figure and I never experienced dieting and I eat anything I like. Since college I always has a slim figure, my average weight is 95lbs and at nine months pregnant with my first child I only weight 120 lbs.

This week I was having a hard time because I got cough and colds. My child also got sick so I have to take care of him especially at night because he perspires easily and I have to change his wet shirt often. You see we don’t have air conditioner and in our country the climate is hot even at night. At five months pregnant now I can sense my baby moving inside me and I can already feel my baby’s weight as I move around. My varicose veins also got worse and noticeable. It’s painful especially at night when I shifted my position as I lay in bed.

It seems that the biological features of females are built strong enough to carry a new life and that is also the very essence of a woman. It comes as a relief, when I think of my baby it seems to lessen the uncomfortable feelings that I’m experiencing right now. I’m excited to know the gender and to see the physical features of my baby. Will this baby get my features or his dad’s appearance? I hope he/she will not get it from his grandparents like my first child. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with my parents but it seems that when we went out to church or to other places people seems to notice the difference of our features to that of our boy. My son has a striking resemblance to my father and his Japanese ancestry. I get my features from both of my parents but much more from my mom.

Sacrifice as the exact meaning of love

For some people this phrase is not acceptable. That is because in their own perception love has more pleasing meaning than this but for some especially Christians this is easy to digest. Why? People have different reaction to every given situation. We have different life experiences that a simple idea like love has diverse meaning for every individual. This phrase I believe strongly applies to my life. Why do I say such things? Yes of course I know the meaning of sacrifice but everyone has different perception to this word but for me it means to yield, to give anything you have for someone you love. You see I have seen this from my parents and I’m very grateful for the love that they have given me. We are not rich but my parents strive harder to get me and my three siblings through college, because of their effort we have finished our degree and we became professionals.

I have seen their sacrifices; I have seen my father goes home tired at 2:00 in the morning and goes to work again at 8:00 in the morning. I have seen him trying to pass the Certified Public Accountant national board examination in order to get promoted to his job while working in the bank. I have witnessed him studying before I slept at night and again in the morning when I awake to go to school. I even wondered back then does my father ever slept? Yes he did pass the examination and get a license as a certified public accountant and get promoted. I can never forget that at an early age my father asked me to pray to GOD to let him pass the examination. He said God listens to little children’s prayer and I believed him because he did listens to me.

When I finished my studies, I got employed and eventually got married they were always there supporting me. When I had my first child I realized how hard it was to take care of my baby. I have to wake up every two hours just to feed him during the first month and I came to realize that my parents have done this to me as well. This made me even more grateful to them for they have loved me well and I intend to love my children the same way.

As Christians we perceive sacrifice as the meaning of love because of our belief that Christ has died because of our sins. We believed that GOD loved us because he sacrificed his only son for us.

My Life

Well what can I say about me? I'm not a celebrity and I'm not even famous so what makes me interesting? well just read on. I'm a hard-working woman who is expecting my second child. At this moment I am currently balancing work and family life. My first priority is my family and I will do anything for them. I also love my job after all it provides us with our daily needs. My job is having to do with organizing documents and our company is a financial institution that is also an agency of the government. It specializes on providing housing loans to it's members/borrowers. It also provide provident benefits to it's members/depositors.

I happen to like blogging and express my thoughts on certain ideas so I think writing is my passion. I'm a great believer that everyone is given the same opportiunity in this life but not all can see it coming. We can choose to live life the easy or the hard way but the hardest part is making a choice. Anyone or anything can change your life in a certain way but you're still the one who drives your life.

Now let's talk about LOVE...what do I think about love in the whole sense. The very exact meaning of love for me is SACRIFICE. You can never truly say that you love someone or something like an idea if you are not willing to sacrifice for it. To sacrifice means to yield, to give and to part with something desirable for someone or something. You can never say that you love the idea of freedom without doing something about it. You cannot say that you love a person if you are not willing to give a part of you. You cannot have a relationship with someone without investing time, money and emotion. To me the greatest vision of love is looking at old couple holding hands and showing their love for each other. Truly their love has been tested with time and afflictions. Looking at a mother kissing and huging her children also gets to me. I love my son dearly and I can never dare to hurt him. Just looking at him gives me contentment and happiness beyond compare.