Understanding Love

It is time to love again. This is from the heart and mind of a widow.  Whatever we feel, even the most painful experiences such as death of a beloved, the human spirit always yearn for someone to belong to.  I think it is what makes us human. A woman is made for a man, just like a man belongs to a woman.  Just as what God, has said, It is not good for a man to be alone, so he made him someone that has a part of him, a companion to make this life good.

The greatest love is still on loving yourself, because this will be your guide in finding the right person to belong to.  Here are the things that I have realized, I don’t know if this is applicable to both man and woman, but this is a woman’s perception. So you know it is definitely applicable to women. Although love is universal, every person is different.

1.       Love hurts but it is okay

So, you are in love again, you think so because you feel it.  Well, what is a feeling anyway? Is it like hunger where you feed and then you are satisfied? Feelings are fleeting but it is not love.  You are hurt because you thought, this person loved you but in the end, he really does not? Or you are so guilty because you thought you love the person but in the end you really don’t?

Love is so confusing you say? But this is not really love, it is just a feeling, so it does not last. There was once a girl that cries because her boyfriend dump her, I am sometimes very frank and unfeeling to this kind of situation, that I told her, she must be grateful for it.

Well, you can just imagine her confusion to what I just said, so I explained, It just means you can move on now.  At least, he was honest to you now, you can just imagine if he married you, and then realized that he really does not want you.                                                                                                                     

So you see, Love hurts but really it is okay, after all. You are still alive so be sensible.  He is not the one for you, so be grateful instead and move on. How can you meet your soulmate if you are stuck with the wrong man.

2.       Finding the right one and being found

If you are one of those people who is always searching for the one, but gets hurt over and over again.  It might be that you are the one that should be found.  Do you realize this?  Sometimes, you are so busy looking around that you fail to see that someone is already there for you.  That person has found you and you are just so dumb to see it.

Well, we are dumb sometimes so there.  So how do you know that the person is really the one for you? It is just simple; you enjoy each other’s company even without the sex thing.  Oh I said it.

Love is not just desire or feelings, it is friendship and companionship, and this is what makes it everlasting.

You must love and respect each other.  You care for that person deeply and you want their happiness.  You have so much in common that it’s really not hard to talk to them at all.

The most important thing is that you should be yourself when you are with this person, even your yucky self.  Distasteful as it seems, but you have to be loved as you are.  It will never last if you pretended to be somebody you are not.  It is so exhausting to live up to someone’s expectation. Sooner you will reveal the real you and then the person then realize that he really does not want you at all.  In the end you are still hurt. So be honest from the start.  It is a waste of time to pretend. Be true to yourself.

3.       Be Brave and Love without expectations

Living a great life is to be brave at heart.  It is always the right thing to do.  We only live once, would it be nicer if you give it your all? It would be too late to realize that on your deathbed.

Loving with expectations hurt us so much, that we cower at the thought of commitment.  We must love without expectations.  We must be vulnerable in love and give it our all. If it fails, you can get hurt but you are still gonna be okay. Show the world that nothing can break you.

We have to realize that every person is different from us. We have different capacities and we are not created equally the same. We have to give our 100% when we love. When we expect too much from our partner and we are always measuring their efforts in our own understanding of love they will always fall short of our expectation.

 In other words they do not fit our own definition of love. This will create tension in our relationship. What we can do is to focus on their positive characters more than their weaknesses

We are not perfect but loving should be accepting everything even the imperfections.

Before loving someone we should be whole first. Partnership is not codependency. It does not mean that an individual should be half of another. It means that you are a strong individual that is happy even by yourself and does not depend on another human being to make you happy.  That kind of relationship is toxic because you expect too much from another to be happy. It can become a burden. Happiness comes from within and it should emanate from you.

4. Love yourself

This is the golden rule.  All love comes from loving yourself. It determines your happiness.  Life is like a mirror after all. You get what you give.  If you hate yourself, probably you let others do something to you even if you don’t like it, as long as the person likes you.

Love yourself above all, because how can you love other people when you don’t know what love is?  People can trample on you, play games on you, but you let them do it , so you will just feel loved and needed.  That is a pathetic way too live.  There is no one to blame but yourself.  Learn to walk away from anyone who treats you badly.  People who does not love themself enough always have the feeling of lack, meaning, they always think that nobody else will love them aside from their current partner who mistreated them.  You must have an abundance mentality and our thoughts can change our life. We are the owner of our thoughts and feelings so we must be strong enough to control them. Inner strength and Self love are the things that can make our life beautiful and full of abundance.

There are millions single available men in this world and all you need is one. So dont ever get stuck with the wrong man. Love yourself enough to detach yourself from someone who does not deserve you.

Above all, do not pretend affection; be true to yourself at all times. Do not love only because of how you feel at the moment.  Loving is commitment, because even if the desire and lust is gone you are still there to stay.  Friendship, respect, trust and love is the foundation of a lasting companionship.