Understanding Love

It is time to love again. This is from the heart and mind of a widow.  Whatever we feel, even the most painful experiences such as death of a beloved, the human spirit always yearn for someone to belong to.  I think it is what makes us human. A woman is made for a man, just like a man belongs to a woman.  Just as what God, has said, It is not good for a man to be alone, so he made him someone that has a part of him, a companion to make this life good.

The greatest love is still on loving yourself, because this will be your guide in finding the right person to belong to.  Here are the things that I have realized, I don’t know if this is applicable to both man and woman, but this is a woman’s perception. So you know it is definitely applicable to women. Although love is universal, every person is different.

1.       Love hurts but it is okay

So, you are in love again, you think so because you feel it.  Well, what is a feeling anyway? Is it like hunger where you feed and then you are satisfied? Feelings are fleeting but it is not love.  You are hurt because you thought, this person loved you but in the end, he really does not? Or you are so guilty because you thought you love the person but in the end you really don’t?

Love is so confusing you say? But this is not really love, it is just a feeling, so it does not last. There was once a girl that cries because her boyfriend dump her, I am sometimes very frank and unfeeling to this kind of situation, that I told her, she must be grateful for it.

Well, you can just imagine her confusion to what I just said, so I explained, It just means you can move on now.  At least, he was honest to you now, you can just imagine if he married you, and then realized that he really does not want you.                                                                                                                     

So you see, Love hurts but really it is okay, after all. You are still alive so be sensible.  He is not the one for you, so be grateful instead and move on. How can you meet your soulmate if you are stuck with the wrong man.

2.       Finding the right one and being found

If you are one of those people who is always searching for the one, but gets hurt over and over again.  It might be that you are the one that should be found.  Do you realize this?  Sometimes, you are so busy looking around that you fail to see that someone is already there for you.  That person has found you and you are just so dumb to see it.

Well, we are dumb sometimes so there.  So how do you know that the person is really the one for you? It is just simple; you enjoy each other’s company even without the sex thing.  Oh I said it.

Love is not just desire or feelings, it is friendship and companionship, and this is what makes it everlasting.

You must love and respect each other.  You care for that person deeply and you want their happiness.  You have so much in common that it’s really not hard to talk to them at all.

The most important thing is that you should be yourself when you are with this person, even your yucky self.  Distasteful as it seems, but you have to be loved as you are.  It will never last if you pretended to be somebody you are not.  It is so exhausting to live up to someone’s expectation. Sooner you will reveal the real you and then the person then realize that he really does not want you at all.  In the end you are still hurt. So be honest from the start.  It is a waste of time to pretend. Be true to yourself.

3.       Be Brave and Love without expectations

Living a great life is to be brave at heart.  It is always the right thing to do.  We only live once, would it be nicer if you give it your all? It would be too late to realize that on your deathbed.

Loving with expectations hurt us so much, that we cower at the thought of commitment.  We must love without expectations.  We must be vulnerable in love and give it our all. If it fails, you can get hurt but you are still gonna be okay. Show the world that nothing can break you.

We have to realize that every person is different from us. We have different capacities and we are not created equally the same. We have to give our 100% when we love. When we expect too much from our partner and we are always measuring their efforts in our own understanding of love they will always fall short of our expectation.

 In other words they do not fit our own definition of love. This will create tension in our relationship. What we can do is to focus on their positive characters more than their weaknesses

We are not perfect but loving should be accepting everything even the imperfections.

Before loving someone we should be whole first. Partnership is not codependency. It does not mean that an individual should be half of another. It means that you are a strong individual that is happy even by yourself and does not depend on another human being to make you happy.  That kind of relationship is toxic because you expect too much from another to be happy. It can become a burden. Happiness comes from within and it should emanate from you.

4. Love yourself

This is the golden rule.  All love comes from loving yourself. It determines your happiness.  Life is like a mirror after all. You get what you give.  If you hate yourself, probably you let others do something to you even if you don’t like it, as long as the person likes you.

Love yourself above all, because how can you love other people when you don’t know what love is?  People can trample on you, play games on you, but you let them do it , so you will just feel loved and needed.  That is a pathetic way too live.  There is no one to blame but yourself.  Learn to walk away from anyone who treats you badly.  People who does not love themself enough always have the feeling of lack, meaning, they always think that nobody else will love them aside from their current partner who mistreated them.  You must have an abundance mentality and our thoughts can change our life. We are the owner of our thoughts and feelings so we must be strong enough to control them. Inner strength and Self love are the things that can make our life beautiful and full of abundance.

There are millions single available men in this world and all you need is one. So dont ever get stuck with the wrong man. Love yourself enough to detach yourself from someone who does not deserve you.

Above all, do not pretend affection; be true to yourself at all times. Do not love only because of how you feel at the moment.  Loving is commitment, because even if the desire and lust is gone you are still there to stay.  Friendship, respect, trust and love is the foundation of a lasting companionship.

Reminiscing our wedding day

 

It was this day, in the year 2005 that we have exchanged our vows.  I could not explain in exact words how I felt that day but I realized that it was through our marriage that my eyes were opened to the realities of life.   How it really means to say the vows and really live it. Truly experience is a great teacher.  You cannot really be prepared for just mere theories about life; you just have to live it in order to learn.   It is just like learning to swim, you cannot learn by just listening what to do, you have to plunge in water in order to learn how to swim.  All I know that time was I am truly passionately in love with you and I prayed to God that he would make you my husband.  I was never really been away from my parents for so long before but I would leave them just for you.  To live my life, hand in hand with you.

I thank God for having you in my life because I became tougher.  The experiences we had made me strong and that strength had equipped me well in dealing with life today.   Our love entered so many tests, some of it we passed but still in some areas we failed.  Our marriage was not perfect; it brought me tears, heartache and failed expectations.   Despite all of this I had no regrets. I do believe that in life there are no accidents, all of these things happen for a reason. When you are stubborn and strong-willed you learn the hard way. 

I could honestly say, at age 27, I was an unprepared mother.  Frankly, I don’t like children so I don’t have the skill to deal with them. It is only through motherhood that I learn how to love them.  I am forever grateful to you for giving me two beautiful children. They are my inspiration and the reason why I smile every day.

It is hard to discipline a child

I've been so busy lately because as you all know I am working and when I come home I still have to prepare for dinner while taking care of my two toddlers. My baby girl is now already One year and three months old and as usual she is so curious with her surrounding that she wanted to taste everything that interest her. It is at this stage that she is already active in exploring our place. She wanted to roam around the house touching everything that comes her way and put everything she can grasp inside her mouth. That is why I have to sweep the floor so often to make everything clean. My son is already 3 yrs and eight months old right now and his behavior is a major adjustment to me. I think it is so hard to discipline a child and there are major issues that you have to look into. In the past as children we were spank with leather belt by our parents as a form of punishment and I know how it hurts during that time. I even have a scar in my right leg that reminds me of the pain and at an early age I could not remember what I have done to have that punishment. I think there are other options to discipline a child other than that kind of punishment but sometimes it is so hard not to do the traditional way of doing it. I think speaking to him at eye level would do and in a firm way but the must important thing is to have an enormous amount of patience. It is hard for me because I really don't like hearing him cry because when he wanted something he would ask for it over and over again. I'm telling him to stop trying to hurt his sister but for him, it is just some kind of a game. I hope there would be some kind of training to mothers like me in the right way of disciplining a child because the how we train a child will surely affect the formation of their character and I know that it can affect him psychologically.

Happy1st Birthday to my baby girl

Today I will prepare for the food to be served for her birthday. My menu for the day is Native chicken soup, Tuna fish kinilaw, Dinuguan and Pansit Canton. I will also order whole Pork Lechon for the event. I already ordered cake and balloons for her birthday as well. Her older brother was very excited especially when he sees the balloons and cake that he kept singing her happy birthday. The venue is my mother-in-laws house because there house is much bigger than ours and they also had a spacious balcony. This event will also serve as our thanksgiving to the lord for all the blessings that God has given us especially the life and health of our two wonderful children.