Reminiscing our wedding day

 

It was this day, in the year 2005 that we have exchanged our vows.  I could not explain in exact words how I felt that day but I realized that it was through our marriage that my eyes were opened to the realities of life.   How it really means to say the vows and really live it. Truly experience is a great teacher.  You cannot really be prepared for just mere theories about life; you just have to live it in order to learn.   It is just like learning to swim, you cannot learn by just listening what to do, you have to plunge in water in order to learn how to swim.  All I know that time was I am truly passionately in love with you and I prayed to God that he would make you my husband.  I was never really been away from my parents for so long before but I would leave them just for you.  To live my life, hand in hand with you.

I thank God for having you in my life because I became tougher.  The experiences we had made me strong and that strength had equipped me well in dealing with life today.   Our love entered so many tests, some of it we passed but still in some areas we failed.  Our marriage was not perfect; it brought me tears, heartache and failed expectations.   Despite all of this I had no regrets. I do believe that in life there are no accidents, all of these things happen for a reason. When you are stubborn and strong-willed you learn the hard way. 

I could honestly say, at age 27, I was an unprepared mother.  Frankly, I don’t like children so I don’t have the skill to deal with them. It is only through motherhood that I learn how to love them.  I am forever grateful to you for giving me two beautiful children. They are my inspiration and the reason why I smile every day.

Equilibrium

Last night I watched again at home one of my favorite movies “Equilibrium.” It is not a very popular movie, I think it is not even a blockbuster like most movies but I like it for its story.  It is an era where society suppresses emotions or feelings because feelings like rage, jealousy and pride will one way or another lead to murder or war. Also they destroy everything that makes a man senses or feel like work of art such as painting, literatures, music, also things like perfume and even animals that only make for pets such as dogs. 

 There are times that the medicine that they use to suppress emotion could be an advantage especially if you really want not to feel.   I mean emotion alone is chaos. You have to suppress your emotion, such as anger, jealousy, grief and even love.   Not everyone knows how to do that so there lays the dilemma. Some people give in to anger; jealousy and some people give in to love. Do you agree that too much love is not a good thing?  Why do you think parents spoil their child? A parent does not realize it yet, until they become an accomplice to their child’s crime. If that child who is now an adult committed a crime, his or her parents would hide her/him or they could hire the best lawyers in the country. Again as parents we are in one way or another responsible for our children’s actions whether we like it or not.

All the emotions that we are feeling are what makes us what we are and we must not let it drive us.  We must be the master of our emotion.  If your loved one died, move on, don’t let grief take you. If your partner cheated on you, move on; don’t let jealousy and anger overcome you. Do you know that most of the murders committed are crimes of passion?

If your supervisor scolded you, don’t get angry or quit your job, learn from it. Quit your job only if it is no longer beneficial to you but never quit because of your supervisor. Accept the irony that you need them to climb up the ladder of success and their hurting words are part of the salary. The irony is you get paid to be treated that way. In the end you could be in her or his position and you already know what it feels like to be an underdog.

I know all of this is easier said than done.  That is why there are helpful activities for people who are not strong enough to control their emotions.  There is anger management for those who could not control their anger.  There is prayer to calm your nerves.  Yoga is a really great exercise; because It is calming and help you control your emotion and create a balance in your life.  One thing also it is hard to suppress anger so it is better to let it out in your exercises.  One helpful tip is you have to have a punching bag at home. Punch at it every night before you get to bed and unleash your anger at it. It is very satisfying especially if you have a mental picture of the person you are angry at. 

One important thing, I know how it feels like to lose someone you love in death, How it feels like to cry in grief.  Death is inevitable the only key is acceptance. Even if you have a time machine, you cannot change the past.  Your guilt or regret could not help you; it could only pull you back to grief. Accept and move on.

See the movie it’s great.